Christmas Wishes

Making wishlists has always been one of my favorite things about birthdays and the holidays. There's something so fun about dreaming up all the pretty things! This year, it took me awhile, though. Since my family is in the midst of a move and we're going through EVERYTHING we own, I realize I don't need much else. Wishing, though... Wishing is always fun. :)

Stitch Fix Gift Card - For all my future fixes! Stitch Fix quickly became an obsession around here!

- I haven't owned the 1st or 2nd, but I absolutely love ALL of the colors in the 3rd!

Better Life Bag - I've been wanting one FOREVER, but can't quite decide on an exact design!

Lace Boot Cuffs - How much cuter would these make a simple outfit with leggings?! Pretty sure I'd never wear anything else!

Eat, Blog, Love Mug - I've been eyeing up this Crystal Faye mug for far, far too long! Sipping on coffee while blogging would be so much more adorable. ;)

Hot Pink Northface Jacket - I LIVE IN MINNESOTA AND DON'T OWN A NORTHFACE. I know, I know. This one speaks for itself!

Sleep Aromatherapy Set - Lavender is my favorite thing for pain relief + relaxation lately, especially since it's migraine season for moi!

Photoshop Elements 12 - I've been debating about purchasing it for a long time, but I'm so scared I won't know what to do with it once I have it! It's time to take the plunge!

What are your Christmas wishes this year?!


"You Blog?" The Deep Version

Back in June, I wrote a lighthearted post titled "You Blog?". Essentially, it was about the funny looks I often get when people find out I'm a blogger. The confused expressions. The goofy questions.

Underneath that, though, there was something a little deeper.

I'm a high school student. It surprises me how many of my readers don't know that until I blatantly write it in a post, but it is, in fact, the truth. ;) A few times, I've been approached by people I go to school with and they've jokingly made a comment or two about my "online life." Whether it's a comment about how often I tweet, a comment about how there's "ALWAYS something wrong with me," or a comment about how I constantly take pictures of my outfits... It actually hurts.

Because while I'm Kenzie... The teenage version... I'm also an aspiring writer. I'm also a face of chronic pain. I'm also best friends with people I've never actually met in real life. I also honestly and transparently share my struggles through posts on this blog... For all to see.

I know that's my choice, and let me tell you, it's a choice I CHOOSE to make DAILY. I make that choice because writing is what makes me feel good. I used to think I wasn't good at anything. I don't play sports, I don't sing (well), and I'm not a 4.0 student. But when I discovered that I could WRITE... Real, honest, and raw things straight from my heart... When I discovered that I could make my voice heard... That's when I discovered there was so much more to the person I was created to be than even I know. My blog is a direct representation of ME. Sharing my story has changed perspectives. It has encouraged hearts. And to me, that's really, really beautiful. It's something I will always be proud of.

So when you make those comments and I shrug it off, fake laugh, and move on with my day... Please remember that I do this for the community I've been surrounded by. For the 1,000 positive comments that outweigh the negative one. For other teens struggling with chronic pain scattered all across the world. For the people who look through my archives for inspiration. For ME.

Please remember that if being in this space is not making a positive difference in your life, you can click the little red X in the corner.

Yes, I blog. And yes, I'm proud of who I am. As a writer, as an advocate, as a person, and as everything else that God created me to be.


I Don't Know When It's Gonna Happen, But...

I don't know when it's gonna happen, but... I'm going to write a book. Maybe it'll be a memoir. Maybe it'll be a biography. Whatever it is, it's going to be good for my heart and my biggest dream come true.

I don't know when it's gonna happen, but... I'm going to be a nurse. I'm going to work with kids who have been diagnosed with autoimmune diseases and I'm going to advocate for them. Wherever I am, I'll love my job.

I don't know when it's gonna happen, but... I'm going to have long hair. Long, luscious, put-it-in-a-sock-bun kinda hair. And I'm totally not going to wash it every day.

I don't know when it's gonna happen, but... I'm going to go on a missions trip to Africa. My heart wants to go to Kenya, but I know any place there would be more than sufficient. I want to use my GIVE personality to touch lives a million miles away.

I don't know when it's gonna happen, but... My arthritis is going to go into remission. I'm not going to be taking any more medications and hospital's won't feel like my home away from home anymore. Whenever that is, I'm still going to be grateful for the journey I've been on.

I don't know when it's gonna happen, but... I'm going to adopt three babies and have two of my own. I'm going to love them with a wild, passionate love and I'm going to feel complete.


My Dorothy Shoes

WHAT I'M WEARING :: VEST //  Kohl's ::  TOP // Local Boutique :: SCARF // Vanity :: JEANS // Kohl's :: SHOES // c/o Kandals

There aren't many things that beat a comfy pair of shoes... Can I get an amen? And a girl can never go wrong with a pair of bright red ones. I feel like all my shoes are either brown boots or neutral colored flats, so when I found these beauties, I knew I needed to be adventurous and add them to my wardrobe.

My favorite look of all {so far} is mixing them with a little plaid/flannel + skinnies. You can't go wrong with that classic red combo for fall! I call them my Dorothy shoes and I plan to wear the heck out of them before snow gets too deep here in Minnesnowta... :)

Linking up with The Pleated PoppyStyle ElixirBecause Shanna Said SoGet Your Pretty OnTucker Up, & Vodka Infused Lemonade!


Anger Is Just Sad's Bodyguard

It takes a lot to say you're letting something go. What's even harder is putting your hands up, admitting you have no control, and attempting to move on from whatever it may be... In a timely manner. It's difficult because what we're walking away from is most often familiar and therefore, we naturally think we need it.

I've been riding the deep thoughts train for about a month now. I've been slowly letting go of things that suck the energy out of me. Truly, it's been exhilarating. Completely freeing. Even still, I'm left with feelings of resentment and exhaustion.

There definitely isn't a direct key that leads to happiness, but I know the one that leads to sadness loves to partner up with anger. Together, the two appear unbeatable. They capture you between the desire to yell and the desire to cry. They leave you stuck not knowing how to explain how you feel and most importantly, they prevent you from moving on.

I'm convinced that anger is just sadness covered up. It's an emotion that's become distorted between us as humans because our instinct is to always put on "the face." 

"I'm fine."
"I don't need help."
"I'm not upset."

We tend to forget that emotions were created to represent our heart. We tend to forget that our feelings are meant to be shared. I don't know about you, but I've never been changed, affected, or touched something that's been kept inside.

Emotions need to be displayed. Stories need to be told. 

Otherwise, moving on never takes place. Growth never occurs. Progress is never made.

Today, I'm coming to terms with the way I feel and I'm going to be honest about it. My word for 2013 was honesty and I realize that I haven't addressed that to its fullest extent in my life yet. I've worked through a lot of things this year, but I've avoided that one because I know it won't be an easy task.

I'm confident that there are far more wonderful things ahead than any of those I'm leaving behind... And I'm confident there is GRACE for when I fall, fail, and feel like giving up.


When Things Change

I've hated change with a passion since a very young age.

On my tenth birthday, my family's home burned down and we were forced to move in with an aunt and uncle of mine. I had sleepovers at cousins' houses, playdates with my friends, and weekends with my grandparents. My siblings and I bounced around while my parents sorted through the wreckage and tried to make sense of it all.

I don't blame anyone for making me this way, but I can definitely understand how our circumstances caused me to become a woman with an outrageous type A, give-me-a-long-term-plan, status quo, attitude. Change will always be hard because it reminds me of a time when I was forced to change. It no longer feels like a choice to me.

What I've found, though, is that things always change when we have the least control over it. Some plans just don't work out. Some friendships just fade away. Some things just aren't meant to be. Situations change, we change, and eventually we are not who we used to be. Things are different... And that's okay.

I wish there were some easy way for me to turn into a free-spirited girl without a care in the world. I wish I could adapt to change easier and not hold onto the past so much. Unfortunately, wishing those things isn't going to make a change. The switch happens when I make a choice to let change in. It happens when I choose to embrace it.

People will leave.
Situations will change.
I will grow.

It's inevitable and it's BEAUTIFUL.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says,

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the Heavens...
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."

I'm thankful Jesus knows what I need, when I need it, and where He'll meet me. He's always saving us like that, you know. There's no way He'll ever let us down because when things change, He only ever stays the same.