5 Things I Can't Explain About Myself

I'm like the queen of crazy ideas. While I would very much consider myself a realist, I've always been quite the dreamer too. I dream huge, out-of the box, crazy dreams that make people shake their heads and ask, "why?" For some strange reason, I get a kick out of the reaction and it only makes me want to accomplish that goal even more... Just so I can say, "told ya so!" Is that mean?

In other words, I don't care if it is. Thank you, Dwight.

The whole "dream big" quality I possess got me to thinking about the "want's" I have in life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized there are just some dreams I can't explain. Thus, I present...

(Add that picture to the list of things I can't explain... HAHA!)

one || I want five kids. Like, what?! Whenever people ask me, my sanity wants to say, "oh ya know, maybe two. Two's a good number." But my heart is like, "FIVE, KENZ. YOU WANT FIVE." Weird. (Especially since I'm single and no where near that stage in my life.) But I like to think it's something God's preparing me for!

two || Deep, deep down I want to be a surgeon. My Aunt Mabel was a doctor her whole life and listening to her stories and experiences when she was still here would leave me thinking for days. The hard work ethic and passion she had for her career was unlike anything else. I want that passion for my own life and career. It's just a shame I can't pass chemistry or basic math with anything higher than a C average!

three || I desperately want to master playing the piano. I think it'd be incredible to help lead worship at my church, play piano lullabies to my kids one day, and put my words into song... But I'm honestly musically challenged. Music notes confuse me and make me want to bang my head into a brick wall. Seriously... I wish I was kidding!

four |I want to write a book about my life. One detailing literally every struggle I've faced with my arthritis, depression, family, friends, faith, etc. Everything. Not because I think my life is any more interesting than anyone else's, not because I want to throw a pity party and, not because I want to be sitting on the shelves of Barnes and Noble (though that would be PRETTY cool!). But simply because I believe we all have a story and God put us here to tell it. And even more than that, I believe we all have the opportunity to change someone's life through making the decision to share it.

five || I want to go to college out-of-state. I know every teen on the planet says they want to get away from home and make a name for themselves elsewhere... But I actually believe I'll do it. I'm applying in Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and Texas as of now because I feel like there's something for me elsewhere. Always a Minnesota girl at heart, but following where God takes me will be a fun ride!

What dreams/wants/wishes do you have that you just can't explain?



1. I have a similar thing. I want four kids. Exactly four. Although mine is because i come from a three-kid family, and my siblings are five and seven years older than me, so I always felt lonely by myself and want my kids to never have that problem. My sister also wants four kids, but in her case it's so there's no one middle kid, because she always felt lonely in the middle!

2. Do you feel like surgery is something that would really be a passion, or is it more that you want the passion for whatever your career is that she had for being a surgeon?

3. I know it can feel weird as an adult, but it's worth paying for a few lessons, if you're currently trying to teach yourself. There is just nothing like having someone to lean over and give you that gentle instruction right off the bat. You might talk to your current church pianist? That's how I took lessons. I never became a master or anything, but I definitely could play most of my favorite church hymns now ;) Although if I was a church pianist, that'd be the only hymns we were allowed to sing!

4. I am a huge reader of memoirs, for exactly that reason. I've never read a memoir that I didn't come away from feeling like that person's life had changed mine, even if in some small way. Go for it! Just a couple of pages a day and you'll be surprised at how fast the numbers add up!

5. There is nothing like that first few weeks away for the first time. Of course, then the homesickness sets in... but that's what cell phones and Skype are for! Go for it; you'll be awesome wherever you are.


When I was younger I wanted a bunch of kids. Adults would always tell me wait until I had kids. From the get go we were blessed with twins and I thought when we were dealing with the sleep deprived toddler stage they would be it. But things changed and we had another. And now we'd like to also adopt one, or two or maybe more.

Deep down I want to be a nurse. Ob or surgical. But it scares the crap outta me. I'm a mom. How can I possibly handle going back to school after being out for so long and on top of that, not just any school but nursing school.

If you wrote a book about your life--I would so read it!!!

A big dream I can't explain?
I want to be a ballerina. I know, cliche and crazy. But I dream about it all the time.


Going away for college would be a great experience for you! I sometimes wish I would have gone out of state for school!


My Mom always said she wanted 10 kids, she only ended up with 7, though, she pretty much unofficially adopts lots of other kids so I think that counts toward the quota of 10. My dream has always been to be a writer--from since I was a little girl, it's stayed the same. It's a little outside the box, since I've never wanted any kind of nice, normal job--it's a good thing to have passions and dreams!


Missouri State is a pretty awesome school! :) Just my little plug for my alma mater. :) Go Bears!


We'd LOVE to have you in Texas :). But seriously, I love this post. Everything about it is raw and real. I'd for sure read your memoir! You've been through so much and have made it through all you've been challenged with - it would definitely be an inspirational read! Keep being you, because that's just what your readers love! :)


Yay for kids! I want like 7 or 8!! Growing up with 9 siblings brought that out in me, though!

I can't explain:
my dream to move to Slovakia
how happy an email or text a blog can make me
how I want to be a published author, or have an album out of the songs I've written

just a few things. :)
(oh and my love for british boys...)


Okay Kenzie. Seriously we need to meet up sometime now that I am back in MN for the year!

I have always wanted 3 or 5 kids...I don't know what it is about the number, 5 just seems perfect, especially because everyone can fit in the mini-van without needing a daycare car.

And college out of state..GREAT IDEA! I mean I am only about 6ish hours away from home, but no matter where you end up, the distance does not seem like it is actually that far. Just be careful on the out-of-state tuition...Super super expensive. That is what kept me in the Midwest. But I am looking at more out of state schools here and there for grad school...so we will see where God takes me!

And I totally get the whole surgeon thing. I always wanted to be a pediatric oncologist and help the little kids who are sick...but the whole not starting your career until you are 26 and forever going to school drove me insane.

You are such a lovely girl :)


I think you actually did a pretty good job at explaining those things!! Oh and while you're applying for college out of state, why don't you throw in an application for the University of Washington :)


I think if you truly want to be a doctor, don't let something like a C in a science or math stop you. Sure, you need to have good grades to get into medical school, but that won't make or break whether you're a good doctor or not. Truthfully, I think you'd be a great doctor because you've been a patient more times than I'm sure you care to count which means you'd empathize with your patients. You may just have to work extra hard to get your grades up to snuff for medical school. :)

I can honestly say that working in the medical field is not for everyone, but it is one of the most rewarding careers you can have.


I think going to college out of state is a great idea. Part of me wishes I did that, just to really challenge myself and grow as a person. BUT because of my college choice, I met two amazing girlfriends and fell in love so I'd say in this instance, it was worth it!

It'd be fun to live in a different state for awhile. You never know what it could bring you!

Exploring My Style


Your heart is so full...I say do it all girly!!! Love your ambitions..and no matter how old you get...it's always good to dream big...that's my philosophy on things. :)


I would totally buy your book. Oh, and I'm glad that you share my inexplainable love with Dwight.


You should move to the little town of Pullman, WA and go to Washington State University! We could use a little bit of your spunk and a whole lot of your passion for Jesus! :)



Oh Kenz... how I wished you were just in my pocket in St. Louis. :) You are a doll. I loved this post. Have five kids for me. :)


Love getting to know you better!! I am with you on the lots of kids thing! I want four and Chris is like WHOAAAAA. hahah! Luckily, I am in control of that ;) Ha!


For the past few years I have always said I wanted an odd number of kids and for the past few months my heart has been set on three :) Maybe one day

Where in OK did you apply?? I spent my first year at ORU and my cousin just graduated from there!


I totally would read your book! I want to write my life story too!

& I have always wanted a boy first, so he could protect his little sisters, but then again, I wish I would have had an older sister growing up, so there's that too.


I took piano lessons for 9 years, and I loved it! I still sit down occasionally and play just to relax. It's awesome.

I think you could write an awesome book! I'd read it FOR SURE!

I think you should definitely come to school in Oklahoma, preferably somewhere around OKC so we could hang out in real life :)


I always said that I would never go to an in-state college. In fact I didn't even apply to any in-state colleges! I will admit, people keep telling me where they are from and I have no idea where that is and I don't recognize people from high school activities like I would in-state, but it's much more of an adventure!


You should apply for something in Charlotte...just saying. You could be an au pair! :)


I used to consistently want 3-5 children. But now that it's even more of a reality, I have the "let's have two and see how we feel" approach. Haha!


I've always said I'd like to have 4 kids. Maybe it's because I'm the oldest of 4, but I just love having multiple siblings! Also, YES to Oklahoma! You should totally come here. It's the best :)