When my health struggles first began at age 14, I remember asking my youth leaders, friends, and family to pray complete healing over my body. A miracle, essentially. I remember praying for my pain to disappear. I remember praying that God wouldn't take me on this journey.
After my official diagnosis of juvenile arthritis, I slowly but surely came to terms with this disease, how it affects me, and how I can still live a beautiful, wonderful life while coping with the struggles and setbacks it can often cause. I accepted that I would be changed, but made the decision not to be reduced.
Over time, I started asking for prayers of strength, grace, and endurance instead of a miraculous healing. I did that because I knew that God was going to use this disease in my life to benefit others and ultimately grow His Kingdom. I knew that He had a bigger plan in mind and eventually, I accepted it fully and completely. I devoted myself to living it out.
Along the way, I've been questioned as to why I'm not "praying harder" for complete restoration. Why I'm not "allowing" God to take this disease away. Why I'm not focusing on "natural" healing. Truthfully, I must admit I've taken a bit of offense to that...
For starters, to my knowledge, none of the people who have said those kinds of things to me actually LIVE with a chronic illness on a daily basis. If I'm being realistic, I can truly say that they have no clue what it's like. I'm not playing victim here, it's just a fact that rings true in this circumstance and with anything else in life... You cannot be empathetic if you haven't experienced something.
Secondly, I am not the reason I have this disease. There are genetics. There are environmental factors. There is God's plan. I didn't sign up to fight these battles, I just took what God gave me and used it to the best of my ability in order that He would be given glory.
On that note, I can honestly say that NO, I'm not really praying for my healing. Not because I can handle the pain or I enjoy it... Not because it's easy for me to deal with... But simply because I know that God will restore me in His own timing.
{Jeremiah 30:17 - "For I will restore you to health; of your wounds I will heal you," says the Lord.}
While I'm not capable of completely restoring myself to good health, I am capable of waking up in the morning, taking care of myself, thinking positively, and fighting the battles I face with a smile on my face - and that is something that I thoroughly enjoy doing! To me, that's purpose, not punishment.
{John 9:1-3 - As He was walking along, He saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned? This man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the glory of God might be displayed through him."}
Being happy, purposeful, and successful in this life has nothing to do with being completely healthy. While I don't believe health should be taken for granted, I do believe that God uses the things we don't expect Him to in the biggest ways. I'm walking this journey, I'm not alone, and I'm trusting that God will heal me in HIS timing... In the meantime, I adore nothing more than allowing Him to use me to bring glory to His name in the midst of the battles I face.
Purpose. That's called purpose.